kalau dah jodoh tak ke mana..

ya Allah

what has become of me??

why did i snapped just like that??

ya Allah

will she ever forgive me for what i have done?

what wrong did she do to get something like that from me?

what made me do something  like that?

~~~~~~~~

i don't know what overcame my mind that i reacted that way..

~distraught~

the only i expectation i had was for her to appreciate

me and what I've done for her..

i guess yesterday was the other way round..

maybe it's just not the right time to do something like that..

my emotions, my ego, my selfish ways went full bar..

and i thought something dramatic like coming over late at night

to pass her long awaited birthday gift

with a surprise

would make her very happy

but nope, just partly happy

~~~~~~~~~

i was turned down, indirectly..

i thought she would be happy of my presence

but no, it was alil bit late at night for her

the moment she knew i was there,

"it's late at night, what are you  doing here?"

well she's not wrong..

it is quite late at night and unnoticed

i told myself,

if she really want me to be there

she would at least ask me to stay.

she did, but like after asking me alot of times

"why are u not at home? why are u out late?"

(out of sympathy? i hope so not)

but she's not at wrong,

she was held back by her parents from going out late at night,

but still she decided to go to the lift to meet me..

but i felt unwanted

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not a singer that can sing my feeling to you

I'm not rich to shower you with luxury and wealth

I'm not a comedian to make you laugh all the time

I'm not a model to dress up well and look good

i am what you see

the same guy since the 1st time we met

but..

i just want to be that someone that you look forward too

i just want to be that someone that you would feel comfortable around with

i just want to be that someone that listens to all your problems and doubts

i just want to be that someone that will be by your side

no matter what..

as much as what i want to be for you

is what i wanted from you too..

and like all hippies quote says,

i would want to be that someone that could 

kiss you unconditionally

hug you by surprise

carry you by my back

bring you home to meet my parents not my bed

i wish i could do everything and anything with you..

~~~~~~~

but then again

maybe she's right

i should have not made one-sided decisions

i should have not made my own assumptions

~~~~~~~

after what have happened,

this mark as a lesson learned

for both of us..

i hope

~we're still not standing on the same level~